Allow me to be open, raw, and honest. This will be a lengthy post, but I want to encourage others not to quit on God or yourself.
It’s been three challenging years in my life. News flash: my life is NOT perfect, I just don’t trust enough to show you my battles. MY BIGGEST struggle is NOT believing:
- God hasn’t left me
- God doesn’t care
- God isn’t present in my trial
- God has left me to die in this difficult season
- God is blessing everyone else but me
- God is not good
- God doesn’t want me to prosper
- God doesn’t want the BEST for me
- God doesn’t want me to finish the CPA
I Graduated college December 2014 and my spiritual test began January 2015. Immediately 2015 came I knew something was different, I couldn’t feel/sense God as I did prior. I couldn’t question God and receive an instant answer.I couldn’t plan and feel confident in those plans. I felt DRY,EMPTY,WEIRD and there was nothing I did that would shake those feelings away. Couple that with being fired from my first job out of college and feeling like a complete failure and loser. I lived in regret, I spent an hour crying over the mistakes I made in college that led to me not getting a job with my dream firm and subsequently being fired. Add on top of that the weight of studying for the CPA exam; I was CRUSHED. The hour turned into hours and I easily accepted the lies that I’m a failure, I’m stuck, I’m not going to EVER finish the CPA. I was ANGRY/ANNOYED/BITTER with God. I was angry that God seemed to be so unbothered in the most painful time of my life.
As I often do in times of sheer darkness I talk with my best friend Sandy Oh! who suggested going away to the mountains and spending time with God; I rolled my eyes cause it sounded like the stupidest thing ever. To leave my house and drive hours to cry and complain to God about what I can do from my bed; what a waste. But, all the while I was begging God for a 30-min consultation with Him so I could see my life the way He does. So, I thought why not. I checked the park website and in honor of National Park Week April 23 was a free day. So, thats what I did. I woke up at 7:30 in the morning, went to Costco for gas and drove 125+ miles to Shenandoah National Park.
The Result: an AWESOME time with God!
When I got to the park, I found a nice spot and began writing a list of reasons why I’m angry at God cause I wanted to release ALL my bitterness. However, I got tired and took a nap in my car. Afterwards I got some energy to enjoy the sights at the park. I did some praying and crying, not crying cause of life, but crying because:
God was ALWAYS with me
- when I got fired
- when it took nearly a year to pass my second part of the CPA exam
- when I got a 74 on FAR
- when I lost credit for BEC
- when I turned down a job offer cause I knew I wouldnt be true to myself to accept it
- when all I could do was cry for hours
- when I felt like a complete failure
- when I quit on God
- when I quit on myself
- when I hated the choices I made
- when I was embarrassed by peoples questions of have you finished the CPA? Are you working? What are your plans? What are you doing?
- when I was emotionally insulted by a church friend
God is ALWAYS with me!
After hours alone with God that was my only conclusion. I’m taking that one thought to the bank! I write it down everyday! Its #FACT!
(Insert pretty pictures below)✔️
The sadness on my face when I saw this sign….I really enjoyed my day with God and look forward to going back soon!
During the ride home I played my 3 favorite Christian songs:
And listened to: Stepping Out On Faith by Heather Lindsey.
To anyone fighting what seems like the never ending season of the darkness, below are some of the bible verses I use to fight this spiritual battle!
1️⃣ Don’t quit fighting
🌟Psalm 37:24 (ERV) “24 If they stumble, they will not fall, because the Lord reaches out to steady them.”
🌟Luke 1:37 (ERV) “37 God can do anything!”
🌟Matthew 19:26 (ERV) “26 Jesus looked at them and said, “This is something that people cannot do. But God can do anything.”
🌟1 Corinthians 10:13(ERV) “13 The only temptations that you have are the same temptations that all people have. But you can trust God. He will not let you be tempted more than you can bear. But when you are tempted, God will also give you a way to escape that temptation. Then you will be able to endure it.”
🌟Jeremiah 32:17(ERV)“17 Lord God, with your great power you made the earth and the sky. There is nothing too hard for you to do.”
🌟Jeremiah 32:27 (ERV) “27Jeremiah, I am the Lord.I am the God of every person on the earth. You know that nothing is impossible for me.”
🌟Luke 18:27(ERV)“27 Jesus answered, “God can do things that are not possible for people to do.”
2️⃣God is your biggest cheerleader! He is cheering you on!
🌟Zephaniah 3:17(ERV)”17 The Lord your God is with you. He is like a powerful soldier. He will save you. He will show how much he loves you and how happy he is with you. He will laugh and be happy about you.”
3️⃣God is with you! God HAS NEVER.WILL NEVER.CAN NEVER leave/forsake/abandon you, even on the DARKEST day in your life. God is still there!
🌟Genesis 28:15(ERV) “15I am with you, and I will protect you everywhere you go. I will bring you back to this land. I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised.”
🌟Joshua 1:9(ERV)“9 Remember, I commanded you to be strong and brave. Don’t be afraid, because the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”
🌟Isaiah 41:10(ERV)“10 fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
🌟Deuteronomy 31:6(ERV) “6 Be strong and be brave. Don’t be afraid of those people because the Lord your God is with you. He will not fail you or leave you.”
🌟Psalm 23:4(ERV)“4 Even if I walk through a valley as dark as the grave,I will not be afraid of any danger, because you are with me.Your rod and staff comfort me.”
🌟Psalm 73:23-28(ERV) “23But I am always with you.You hold my hand.24 You lead me and give me good advice, and later you will lead me to glory.25 In heaven, God, I have only you.And if I am with you, what on earth could I want?26 Maybe my mind[b] and body will become weak, but God is my source of strength.He is mine forever!27 God, people who leave you will be lost.You will destroy all who are not faithful to you.28 As for me, all I need is to be close to God.I have made the Lord God my place of safety.And, God, I will tell about all that you have done.”
🌟Psalm 139:7-10(ERV)“7 Your Spirit is everywhere I go. I cannot escape your presence.8 If I go up to heaven, you will be there. If I go down to the place of death, you will be there.9 If I go east where the sun rises or go to live in the west beyond the sea,10even there you will take my hand and lead me. Your strong right hand will protect me.”
🌟Psalm 121(ERV) “I look up to the hills, but where will my help really come from?2 My help will come from the Lord,the Creator of heaven and earth.3 He will not let you fall.Your Protector will not fall asleep.4 Israel’s Protector does not get tired. He never sleeps.5 The Lord is your Protector.The Lord stands by your side, shading and protecting you.6 The sun cannot harm you during the day,and the moon cannot harm you at night.7 The Lord will protect you from every danger. He will protect your soul.8 The Lord will protect you as you come and go,both now and forever!”
🌟Hebrews 13:5-6(ERV) “5God has said,“I will never leave you, I will never run away from you.”6 So we can feel sure and say, “The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. People can do nothing to me.”